Warning: Pedicure-Free Piggies

Trust me, Frankenstein has nicer feet.

Photo by Victoria Priessnitz on Unsplash

I have no business wearing open-toed shoes. Right this second, two of my toenails on my left foot have fallen off, and a third is threatening hoofer Hara-kiri as well. Both the nails on my big toes are long enough to pick my teeth with, and the remaining five are stained with what’s left of the Red Y for Anything red I selected at my last…